SURVIVING A BREAK-UP
You’re no longer in a relationship, feeling alone, vulnerable and unsure of what to do with yourself. The easiest thing to do may seem like gluing yourself to the couch, with a big tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream, watching re-runs of SATC, mourning over love lost. Or going out and drowning your sorrows.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with spending alone time, reminiscing, crying and letting it all out. It’s better for you than holding onto and building up negative emotions. However, if it’s been three months and you’re still glued to the couch, it’s time to take action. And quick!
Don’t over analyse. Sitting there wondering about the how’s, whys and when’s will not make you feel any better. It didn’t work out. If you really cannot move on until you know for certain what went wrong, have a civilised conversation with your ex and ask them. If not, will knowing change anything? Probably not.
If you were the dumper, write a list and remind yourself why you ended the relationship. Don’t feel guilty or beat yourself up over it. You weren’t happy and you took the necessary action for the both of you.
If you were dumped, then get rid of all reminders of the relationship, if they bring back painful memories. You don’t necessarily have to throw things out. Gifts, photographs etc, store in a box until you’re ready. Delete the photographs in your mobile, voicemails, messages, anything to stop you dwelling on the past.
Pamper yourself. Whether it’s nice hot bubble baths, painting your nails each day, changing your hair colour, going on a shopping splurge – get your confidence back! And see more of your friends. If you’re a man, then update your wardrobe, take up a hobby, take up social invites, and keep your mind occupied.
Enjoy your single status whilst you can. Do things that you weren’t able to do when you had a partner, and had to accommodate to their needs. Now is a time when you can be selfish. Put ‘you’ first.
Rebounds – they work for some, boosting their self esteem, and making them forget the break-up, whereas others, it can leave them feel even more unwanted and depressed. Think carefully before you rush into anything. Also if you feel like getting back with your partner, as tempting as it may seem, remind yourself why you broke up in the first place. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one. Don’t be afraid to move on.
Make a plan of action for the future, book a night out, a holiday, anything so you have something to look forward to.
And remember, time is the greatest healer of all.